January 10, 2008

love thursday

A couple of weeks before Christmas I was sitting in church listening to the minster. He was telling a story about how his son once got hurt while their where hiking in the bush. The son could only think of how much it hurt and of course since he was hurt, hiking, was now the worst thing he could ever imagine doing. The boy was perfectly able to still walk even if it was a bit slowly. The minister got the idea of trying to convince his son to just look at the positive things about hiking. It worked. The looked at the good things and where even able to spot a rare lizard on their way back down to the car and the son almost forgot how much it hurt and how he really did not like hiking anymore.

I have been thinking of this story a lot lately. Wondering if there is anything positive about my pregnancy with Sami and losing him. I thought to myself; well I got to be pregnant and I got to feel him do somersaults in my belly. Sometimes so many somersaults that I could not sleep at night, but I still enjoyed it.

Then I read a blog entry by Mata H. She is talking about how she is feeling down on Christmas eve because she has lost all her family and she misses Christmas as it use to be. Thinking about how much she misses her family she realizes that:

The very fact that I had been given in this life something worth missing later was such a huge gift, such a marvel that so many people do not have.

She is so right. That is what I have been trying to tell myself, but not really found the right words for. I am very lucky. Many women, and I don't need to look far to find them, will never be able to experience carrying a baby. They will never be able to feel their baby wrap their little hand around their finger. Never be able to see their baby open his eyes and try to focus on his mummy.

I was able to - and for that I am very grateful.

Thanx for the memories Sami.

Happy love thursday.

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