missing you

I don't know really what happen, but I found myself thinking a lot about Sami the last few days. He is never far from my mind, but the last days I have been thinking about him much more and I miss him so much it hurts.

Sarah has been going through her 12 week growth spurt which has lead to some pretty intense and very busy days. She wanted to nurse pretty much around the clock and I found myself rushing to get time to eat a bite between feeds. But as I cradle Sarah in the middle of the night for yet another feed I found myself wishing I was even more busy. I found myself wishing that I also had a almost 2 year old to worry about.

An active almost 2 year old boy, who would probably use the time I spent nursing his little sister to get into all sorts of trouble. I'm picturing toilets full of toilet paper, all our books pulled out from the shelf and some 'help' in the kitchen that become more of a mess then help for me.

I imagine Sarah looking at Sami with the biggest smile on her face. I'm sure he would have been her very favorite person. Sarah has already heard about Sami many times and she will be told more about him as she gets older. She will know all about how special her big brother was. Sami might not be there for Sarah to all the big brother stuff, but she will for always have a special angel watching over her.